The Power of the Femme Collective

For everything I love about the body art I am able to create and express myself through, one of the lasting and most moving aspects has been the deep connection to femme energy. Historically a ‘Women’s Art’, henna and body adornment has been used for millenia between women during milestones and celebrations along life’s journey. It is easy to see it as merely cosmetic and superficial. This week I was reminded once again why henna mediates more than just body art.

When womxn come together, we communicate, we share, and we change the world.

Following the week of personal transparency that was Mental Health Awareness Week here in the UK, I transitioned into some particularly difficult personal times. For once, unrelated to my own brain chemistry or mental health – but entirely related to the mechanics and routine of marriage and family life. Without disrespecting the privacy of my relationship with my husband, suffice it to say that it has been a shock that seemed to quietly creep up on us, and it has been incredibly difficult.

But here is the thing that I have learned in these most confusing and difficult of marital times: When womxn come together, the power of collective energy is REAL and it is POWERFUL.

At our annual MMM Iftaari, I found myself gifting art to express my gratitude

In my darkest hour of despair: My married friends reached out to comfort me with their own similar experiences, offering their strength in solidarity; My parenting friends offered unbiased listening, consolation and emotional support; And my dear mehndi meet friends were unjudgmental, loving, thoughtful, hopeful and supportive. In short, this collective of unconditional femme support empathised, held me up, raised my spirits, and gave me hope for better days to come.

After a very difficult week of marriage, these women [womxn] have kept me together, ensuring I felt loved and valued, and gave me the strength I was lacking in my commitment.

Body art seemed to be the only outward expression I could provide to show how much their love and support was helping me

Every individual womxn I know is so, so strong, but when we all come together, the power is truly astonishing and life altering.

I dedicate this blog entry to all the amazing womxn who have been here for me. You remind of all that is good in myself and inspire me to be a better human. With thanks to you, there is a future yet in the bond that is my marriage.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for showing me that I am deserving of all your love, respect and support.

International Womxn’s Day

I do not work in social care or support. I am not trained in social care or support. And yet on this International Womxn’s Day I just don’t feel that my usual “Strong women: May we know them; May we be them” message is sufficient anymore.

Womxn – the intersectional term and concept that womxn are their own separate individuals, operational on their own terms without dependency upon a man.

During my recent hiatus from the online community I turned to the solid and regular support in the Monthly Mehndi Meet. This very real connection with fellow artists and friends was an incredible comfort during a very jaded part of my henna journey. The last 4 months and 6 sessions we have had together have maintained my rooted connection to the force of henna. They reminded me of the strength that comes with the gathering of women, and simultaneously the very real effects of the patriarchal social structure in our immediate circles.

I live a privileged life. I was well raised, loved, sheltered and provided for in a small coastal town. I’ve never wanted for anything. While I may be of a minority ethnic heritage, it is one that is historically viewed favourably, and seen as non-threatening (in a somewhat disparaging manner). Although being female (and all the life experiences that comes with – #YesAllWomen), I have been offered opportunities throughout my life to pursue whatever I may please. And I have married a wonderful fellow human who has continued my life pattern of being provided for, sustained, and loved. I know very well that when I began my henna journey that it began on the background of the privilege I have and continue to experience in my life. My daily life is secure and loving. So where is this going? Am I just here to be smug about my privileged life?

That’s not my intention. Today I want to highlight that even in my sheltered, secure privileged life I have come into direct contact with: womxn who live with abuse (physical, psychological/emotional); womxn who have been denied the power or the right to care for their own children; womxn whose lives have been dictated and controlled by the needs of the male dominated structures surrounding them; womxn whose mental health issues have been dismissed as unreliable, unreasonable behaviour; womxn who have suffered abuse from other womxn for no other reason than power or competition.

Why, in the year of 2019 are these issues STILL so prevalent? HOW in this day and age can forward thinking modern humans in developed countries reconcile this behaviour with all that they know about the world?

What I wish is to be able to do is forcibly intervene in these oppressive experiences and stop the perpetration. Wouldn’t it be amazing to enter each of these situation wherever they may occur with the power to right these wrongs? Superhuman, I am not.

And so for International Womxn’s Day I ask of you, and all of us, to acknowledge what is happening around you. ACKNOWLEDGE the womxn you know who is being psychologically abused and had her children withdrawn from her. ACKNOWLEDGE the womxn who has fled her marital home, leaving her children behind to escape physical harm and violations to her body. ACKNOWLEDGE the womxn who has been been unpredictable recently and understand that there are probably underlying issues you are not aware of that is driving the erratic behaviour. ACKNOWLEDGE how you might be feeling threatened by another womxn and ASSESS WHY you feel this way – take ACCOUNTABILITY for your feelings towards these perceived threats and work on YOUR issues. Do not just deal with these issues with apathy and indifference as “that’s just how it is though, isn’t it?” No. It isn’t. You don’t have to fight it in an attempt to make it go away. I just ask that you acknowledge it – say it, vocalise exactly what it is and call it out. Do not push it under the carpet.

This is my mission for this year’s International Womxn’s Day.

Henna Hiatus

It’s been 4 months since my last blog post, and almost as long since I was seen to be active across my social media platforms – all of which has been very conscious behaviour. So why the hiatus?

I should warn you now: This ended up being an unintentionally politically oriented post.

I consider myself a very young henna professional, in terms of career years. I’m actually turning 40 years old this year (I’m very excited about it) and hurtling towards the phase where the important things in life really start to emboss themselves on your perspective. 2018 was my 5th year of life with henna. From picking up my first henna cone in 2013 I had been extremely privileged to hit many milestones at a very fast pace, in a very short space of time. In those 5 short years I had not only formally set up my own insured business, with professional certification and a studio, plus a second social enterprise with a business partner, I had also had the privilege of attending numerous international henna conferences, and even taught at the largest international henna conference – twice, and invited to moderate the largest henna-dedicated forum on social media. I had fostered incredible new friendships spanning the globe. I had won awards, been featured on local radio shows, and also national television (the BBC, no less). Reading all of that back, it’s difficult not to be proud of what I have achieved. So did I peak too soon? Is that why I suddenly ran away?

Maybe.

They tell you “never meet your heroes” – I don’t know who I mean by “they”, but I know I have heard the phrase floated around by people who come face-to-face, and forge subsequent friendships with their biggest life inspirations. I have a large, LARGE contingent of henna heroes within the international community who I was inspired by creatively, professionally and personally. I had met my heroes – nearly every single one of them. They had welcomed me, nurtured me, supported me and brought me into the folds of the upper echelons of the henna community where they bestowed respect and love upon my imposter-self. I’ve never had such a homecoming in any other area of life (apart from my husband – that’s a separate, long, personal and off-topic post). From the outset, there were advisors who warned me that despite the loving nature of the henna world, like any other community there existed darker corners and factions. Jaded by my rose-tinted glasses and irrepressibly hopeful outlook on humanity, I pretended that I was not naïve or blind to flaws – but of course in reality I really felt that the henna community was basically a Disney plot line.

As my maturity in the henna profession progressed I began to see glimpses of the factions. The history. The fall outs. The ugliness. It all fell in line with the current state of the modern world – divisive issues based on politics, race, history, elitism/intellectualism. While the whole world struggled with the seismic changes in international power figures and cross-cultural misunderstandings, it inevitably spilled in to every other area of our lives – including my beloved henna community.

In 2017/2018 we had our eyes opened to the #blacklivesmatter movement, the #metoo movement; we began to learn about being an ally to the marginalised and the oppressed population. Now as 2019 progresses I sense that this has moved on to what it takes to be an ally and how to be an accomplice – using a position of privilege to not only ally with a minority, but to shield, protect and enforce their marginalised platform. I feel this is the reason I have taken a step away from my online presence.

Last year I had the privilege of being in front row seats for some unpleasantness. This is standard across all communities – and I am in no way conjecturing that these incidences are unique to the henna community. What I noticed was that people in highly influential positions on social media platforms were NOT demonstrating the inclusive and loving nature that underwrites the art of henna. Personal differences and opinions would divide and drive their behaviour and decisions. And being in positions of influence, any of their unacceptable behaviour was not appropriately challenged due to fear/respect/intimidation.

Now if anybody knows me personally and has spent any length of time with me, they will know that I have a streak of *devout righteousness* and am prone (too often according to some, not enough according to myself) to challenge and question why situations are the way they are. Through this act I have come to understand the importance of being/having an ally – and now also I comprehend why the role of an accomplice is even greater than that of an ally.

For humans who are in a marginalised group, be it by race, wealth, gender, sexual orientation – or education, economic circumstance or even just opinion – questioning a majority group is a frightening and daunting act of rebellion. It doesn’t feel like an act of rebellion. It doesn’t feel like an intended attack, as it comes from place of truly believing that something is not right and nobody seems to have noticed. A socially aware person will however have some expectation for a reaction to this act of rebellion. I am aware that when I raise a point, there is an inevitable back lash – not always negative though. So one day I used my position of privileged influence to voice my personal feelings and opinions on something I felt deeply was Not Right. It was met with a muted reception. Almost nervous. There was a spatter of voices from allies. But not much more. It was agreed that my voice and my truth was appreciated. And to summarise, that was that.

I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt. I was less hurt by the predictable attack from the specific subject matter I was questioning, than I was by the lack of active allies – or accomplices as I now realise I needed. I was alone with my dissenting voice, while my supporters quietly nodded in agreement from a distance away. Supportive and loving, but ultimately not by my side. It was a crash course into understanding the viewpoint our current day activists like Rose McGowan, Rachel Cargle and many other “disruptive” figures are facing across social media and traditional media.

And so I took a step away from the platforms themselves to re-group with my in-person, real life support circle and allies (and accomplices). To remember that the real, actual human connection is what I exist for and why I am who I am, and why my business is what it is. I made a conscious choice to move away from the highlight-reel-lifestyle on social media, and back towards real world connections.

I wrote this update as my way of apologising for the unexplained absence, to provide you with that explanation – and to help you understand that in real life, I appreciate you for reading this far and I thank you for all your support. Additionally, I make the request that if you are EVER in a position as an ally and able to do so, then please be an accomplice. With your act of support, you can help change the world.

H/T Rachel Cargle, reposted from Ebony Janice’s Instagram – How to use your privilege to be an accomplice > ally:

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#JusticeForStephonClark: 1. I have cried every time I’ve watched this video of protestors at #Sacramento City Council board meeting this morning because (a) Officers not being charged AGAIN for ANOTHER murder of ANOTHER unarmed black man blows my mind (b) Black people are still having to protest to be protected by the same laws and privileges that nonBlack/especially white ppl have two thousand and nineteen years after the #crucifixion/#assasination of balky headed black #Jesus. (c) I have never seen white people do this right (d) this is good training and all folk claiming to be an #ally shld have to go through this kind of rigorous training to be prepared to use their privilege in this way. 2. Lets be clear… #Hollywood will make a movie abt everybody in this video and leave out the name and face if the Brother at the center of this movement. And very scantily mention #StephonClark. It will win an #Oscar. … This is another way I use #HipHopWomanism to discuss matters because @erykahbadu’s #Tyrone comes up for me “I’m getting tired of yo sht (America) you don’t never buy me nothing. (Let me live).” #ErykahBadu And @saintrecords’s #Weary. “I’m gone look for my body (glory), yeah. I’ll be back like real soon.” #Solange <- Womanist: Not a separatist except sometimes for #health. #HealThySelf … #Accomplice Over Ally (word to @lyvonnep) because an ally can send their prayers and sympathy from across the ocean… an accomplice is there, their resources are there, their body is there, they are in it with you. #EffYoAlly … I have cried several times watching this because I still haven’t gotten over #MichaelBrown, #TrayvonMartin, #AltonSterling, #TerenceCrutcher… Hell… I’m still grieving #AmadouDiallo, #SandyBland 😩 #SeanBell. DO YOU KNOW NAMES I HAVE TATTOO’d ON MY HEART THAT ARE GONE WITH NO CONSEQUENCE BECAUSE OF ANTIBLACK RACISM UPHELD BY THE SYSTEMS ANS GOVERNMENT THAT WE PAY TAXES TO SUPPORT WITH NO SUPPORT? It’s too many names. I know them by heart. I grieve them on the daily. Do you know how many names? Names I know that you haven’t even ever heard? Do you? #TheFreePeopleProject

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